20 Weeks

Every week really does seem like a milestone at the moment. 20 weeks and the belly is getting bigger. I can feel the kids wiggling every day now, like having a tummy full of eels. Physically still doing well. Can't stay up past 10pm and a bit more breathless but otherwise fine. Except we have just had the bathroom done and I had a lovely bath - but then couldn't get out! I managed in the end but only by getting on my knees!

This week we went to Baby School at the hospital. Well, that's what lovely fella called it - the official name was 'multiple birth course.' It's spread over 2 Saturdays and so far we've learnt about birth options (no option for us but everyone else on the course are having twins so they might be able to deliver 'naturally').

We had a tour of the labour ward and the special baby care unit. I thought it'd be like ER with lots of flashing lights on machines and shouting people. It was actually very calm and chilled. They have 4 or 5 rooms along a corridor with babies from the very youngest on the far left down to the older ones (who need less intensive care). Obviously the idea is to get as far down the corridor as possible.

I saw a baby of about 28 weeks in the most intensive room. She/he was just tiny but totally perfect. I hope we get ours further than that but I do feel more confident about the environment they'll be taken to. My only worry is that, with 5 or so incubators in each room, we'll be blocking 3 of them! There is 'some' danger that if I have to have an emergency C section there might not be space for them all. So planned C section is the answer (like I have any control over it!)

Sunday I had a total meltdown. I think the course, plus people's reactions to us (triplets? wow!) just freaked me out. Its odd when, on a course for freaky pregnancy, you are still the freak - even to the nurses! It also made it all feel very real and sometimes I do get panicky thinking what is ahead. I was worrying that I'm boring lovely fella by being obsessed with the babies (he says not), I was also scared (irrationally) that he might leave (he says that's ridiculous). I think that some days the enormity of it hits and I realise how much I'm going to need him and other people to get through. I'm not used to needing people - or letting myself need - but with this I have no choice. I cannot be self sufficient with triplets. Lovely fella calmed me down and let me have a good cry. Ended up having a nice cuddly day.

So its all fears and excitement at the moment as time ticks by. Each week makes this more likely to happen, more likely I will have 3 babies. Mostly that fills me with joy but sometimes terror! I have been reading lots of multiple baby books, doing lots of research, and this is helping me to sleep. I at least have a bit of a clue now (the clue being that routine is the only way to cope).

We've decided no shopping until 24 weeks then we can start. My plan is to make a list of things we need and circulate around friends and family as many have offered secondhand things. Then we'll go secondhand shopping for the remainder - only buying new the things we have to - car seats and mattresses.

I'm determined to save as much money as possible through this maternity year. I'm not going to be at work but I do get paid for quite a while (full then half pay) then I get maternity benefits. Its the year after that's going to be really hard - before we can get free childcare. I can see all my wages, once I return to work, going on childcare. I have to say I'm very glad we don't live in America where maternity leave seems so short. Here a year off is quite normal.

Tomorrow we have our 20 week structural scan and glucose test. I'm not looking forward to the latter as I don't do very well on being hungry. I have a tendency to get dizzy and faint. I will pack lots of food to get me back to normal quickly once the test ends. I think whatever the opposite of diabetic is - I'm that - I'm metabolising sugars super fast at the moment.

Hopefully we'll find out the sex of our mystery baby. It'd be nice to have a girl and a mix but I'm not going to be upset if its another boy. They are all a lovely gift from the universe and I do feel blessed.